Epic Rap Battles of Ever After High/Quinn Sternberg vs. Quinn O'Kane

There was a secret afoot at Ever After High... well known amidst the student body, perhaps, but a secret nonetheless.

The headmaster didn't seem to be aware of it, at least, and that was all that counted. Certainly he would have shut it down by now if he'd known.

Students congregated in the echoing hollows of the catacombs beneath school-- typically used in Dungeon Navigation 101 classes, but vacant for the weekend as the various oozes and goblins returned home to their families, having done their share in teaching the students about the ins and outs of spelunking and exploration.

Sound reverberated in the very walls of this place, and cheers rent through the student body as they filtered into what seemed to be an auditorium, concealed underground.

Melody Piper stood on a raised platform, her turntables splayed out before her as a pulsing beat rocked the student body in their chairs. And there, with her Mirrorcast reels rolling, stood too Blondie Lockes, lifting her microphone to her mouth as she announced it aloud for all to hear, her voice pulsating over the beat.

"Hello, Ever After High!" she shouted, beaming brightly. She could practically feel her viewership rise. "You guys were the ones who asked for this... you were the ones to submit your votes. Now, we're making it real right here for you, right now!"

The crowd cheered, and that was when Melody dropped the backtrack, dialing back her dance music to something with a smoother cadence.

Blondie cleared her throat, and declared it, relishing that the crowd fell quiet to her voice: "Blondie Lockes here, welcoming all of you to the first-ever showing of what we hope to be a new tradition at this school... Epic Rap Battles of Ever After High!"

--x-x-x-x-x--

BLONDIE LOCKES

And by popular vote, here we have them… Quinn Sternberg Versus Quinn O'Kane! Begin!

QUINN STERNBERG

U-um… Oh, wait, is it my turn to speak? I, uh… I'm really sorry that my rhymes are kinda weak? I mean... I'm kind of only here By popular vote And, oh my... that's a crowd I... probably should go.

QUINN O'KANE

Aye, I wasn't told there'd be a fight I'm not the sort for battlin' I mean, even despite The fact that my story's kind of... well... a little eerie I'm not eager to attack ya, you seem like such a dearie

QUINN STERNBERG

O-oh! Thank you... I'm really v-very flattered. Er. I guess we're done?

QUINN O'KANE

We've finished what matters. Any sort of battling's been reconciled So let's enjoy this nice music and hang out for a while!

--x-x-x-x-x--

Blondie frowned for a moment and heaved a sigh. Apparently, the crowd-favored match-up of the two best-known Quinns at their school was a total bust. She'd known they were too nice to battle each other, even with just words.

Luckily, however, Blondie had a back-up prepared. She gave a knowing nod to Melody... their signal to pull a hidden lever, and the crowd watched with awe as two more figures emerged upon mechanized panels in the floor.

--x-x-x-x-x--

BLONDIE LOCKES

Don't go anywhere just yet, my loyal viewers Because we're bringing in a second wind! Battling on behalf of Quinn Sternberg, Jacali Latrans And, for Quinn O'Kane's honor, Kirk Hamilton!

CALI LATRANS

I heard there's some punk who wants to battle my girl Better have a death wish cause you're not long for this world Cause I'm a guard dog, bitch And I'm proud of it You want a rap battle, bitch I'll get a crowd off it Yeah, she's a sweetheart And I'm a wild card So you better go ahead and back down off it

KIRK HAMILTON

Now, I'm a reasonable guy with little cause for offense But if you criticize my boyfriend I'll come right to his defense He's got a good heart And a great personality How many words are on Sternberg's profile? Like, three? You should surrender right now because your rhymes are tanking I might be a unicorn, but this horn is for shanking

QUINN O'KANE

Uh, Kirk... Don't you think that's taking it too far? I mean, uh… That's not the point of a verbal spar.

QUINN STERNBERG

I h-heartily concur about that! There’s no n-need to start a physical spat.

CALI LATRANS

Take a decent glance at her, for even just a minute One look in her eye, you know that she deserves to win it She's got smarts, the talent Your boy's like the undead But I guess he don't need brains If all he does is give you head

KIRK HAMILTON

That's false, first Because we've chosen to wait And unlike you, I like to actually date

CALI LATRANS

Ha, waiting! Hey, how long did it take You hiding your feelings, afraid of heartbreak A week? A month? A year? Maybe two? No coward knows waiting Better than you! I'm no chess piece, But I know when to make a move And I've got nothing to hide, Yeah, I've got nothing to prove What can I say, babe? I used to play the game, But I'm a taken girl, now, and Quinn is to blame.

KIRK HAMILTON

The best things in life are worth waiting for So what in the hell are you hating for? So maybe I spent a year pining But you've spent your whole life whining And you've made this battle all about you Can't help but wonder if your love is true I love him so much it drives me insane Gotta post the new slogan, Vote for O'Kane There's no pain for him that I won't endure He's the better Quinn, and that's to be sure He's a farm boy, yeah, but he's pushing flowers Sternberg stinks so much that she needs a "Schauer!"

BLONDIE LOCKES

Who won?? Who's next? You decide! Epic--

--x-x-x-x-x--

She lifted the microphone to the crowd of students just to hear them echo: "Epic!"

--x-x-x-x-x--

BLONDIE LOCKES

Rap Battles of Ever After Hiiiiiiiigh!