Epic Rap Battles of Ever After High/Birds and Baes vs. Glass Tunnel

The viewers had continued watching and Blondie's MirrorBlog subscribers had continued voting, ever-demanding more of the latest craze to hit Ever After High-- and thus, from her perch at the turntables, Melody Piper was only too happy to keep the backbeats coming.

She'd laid down the tracks, tested out the drumlines, and even snagged a few instrumental samples from anyone in the school band who'd agree to spend an afternoon in the recording studios. This was it-- the best thing that could've happened to her career as a DJ.

Crowds cheering.

Bodies dancing.

And some hella sicknasty rhymes.

Blondie walked out onto their makeshift stage, there in the acoustic marvel of the Dungeon Navigation class catacombs beneath the school. She was met with applause even greater than before, and it was Melody's honor to be the one to crank her mic volume all the way up to eleven-- so many cheers rent the room that there was no way to hear her otherwise.

"Hello, Ever After High!" her voice resounded across the room, and that was Melody's cue to pick up the intro riff. "Are you ready for another spellbinding showdown?"

The crowd cheered.

Working the people to her advantage, Blondie shouted back, "I can't hear you!"

The excited audience shook the room with their volume.

"It's Blondie Lockes here, with our favorite DJ Piper on the backbeat," she gestured grandiosely. "And this... is... Epic Rap Battles of Ever After High!"

--x-x-x-x-x--

BLONDIE LOCKES

Here they are, the students YOU voted for!

Coming to you from The Canary Prince and Verde Prato…

Philomela Towerbird and Canary Prince

Versus

Obsidian Tunnel and Opaline Glass!

Begin!

PHILOMELA TOWERBIRD

Though poetry I've never slammed, it seems I ought begin

I hate I must trade barbs with friends but I must "try and win."

We'll exchange these rhymes with tongues like thorns

Though we've been friends since we were born

But though I'm a damsel, I won't cower

I'll prove our tale has staying power

It seems all my figures and facts,

All the stories and acts

Line up to this final hour

No attention -- and I hate to fuss

But it seems I must cast shade like towers

CANARY PRINCE

And o! Listen to how she recites

Those lines at last brought to daylight

We won't let our tale be pushed from sight

Even new legacies can put up a fight

And 'Mela and I, we are eternal, royal

Closer than blood, we couldn't be more loyal

To making sure that our tale survives

Beyond the span of both our lives

We've pride, at least

For family's sake--

PHILOMELA TOWERBIRD

And we shall endure,

There's too much at stake.

OBSIDIAN TUNNEL

It's true we've been friends since a time of yore

But I'll give a hundred percent, then ten percent more

Into this rap battle!

Though I'm hardly a fighter--

No, I'm the sort of lover

Who'll pull an all-nighter

To clear the matter of both us and you

Let me tell you a story 'til it's Glass see-through

There's a prince in the tale who's willing to run all

Eight miles of a magic glass tunnel

For the sight of a princess from another land

And she'll save his life in that romance grand

It's enough to set a guy's heart reeling

Don't want no chair to wheel away from these feelings

OPALINE GLASS

We're team Rocksidian Tunnel

And Dopaline Glass

We've got a tale of heroics and we're bringing in class

Though there's been rough patches, we can make this work

And get our fairytale ending, no one has to be hurt

Take things out of the Dark Age

Of death and deception

Glass Tunnels shine bright

To fill your heart with affection

OBSIDIAN TUNNEL

Not as if we're speaking, though

From personal effect

OPALINE GLASS

Wait... you mean we aren't?

OH. WAIT.

Yes!! That's correct.

CANARY PRINCE

Though I'm not one for aggression,

The game's to fight with words

And you sound like a rockfall

Next to a pair of birds

OBSIDIAN TUNNEL

And I wonder what between those two

Would first meet their defeat

It takes more than that to break us

OPALINE GLASS

Can't just drop us like the beat

PHILOMELA TOWERBIRD

'Tis not rhymes but tears right now

Beginning forth to flow

And... sorry, I can't do this

I should probably just go.

--x-x-x-x-x--

"Oh no, Mela," Opaline immediately dropped off-rhythm, remorse crossing her face. "I'm so, so sorry. You know we didn't mean what we said, right? We think your story's just as good as ours."

"It was all empty bragging for the sake of competition," Obsidian admitted. "Mostly just for the sake of having something to rhyme about."

"I know," Philomela wept, lifting a hand to her cheek as if trying to confirm that she really, really was crying. "I'm just being f-foolish, shedding tears over some r-ridiculous rap battle..."

"No, no, no," Opaline insisted, pulling her into a hug. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have said anything."

"You were just playing by the rules," Philomela sniffled, beginning to search her skirts for a handkerchief. Her lip wobbled as the tears only seemed to flow "And really, it's just-- it's very loud here, and I'm sure I'll get my bearings again soon. I don't want to disappoint..."

Canary awkwardly rubbed her shoulder, and held up a package of disposable tissues kept on hand for just this purpose. He frowned slightly, "Maybe let's pick this back up another day."

When Philomela only bawled harder, Obsidian very politely suggested, "Or we can get pizza together instead, if you want?"

Blondie sent Melody a desperate look, the outcome of this battle somewhat less than what she'd planned. Melody, obligingly, cut straight to the ending riffs and it was only Blondie's superb handling of the crowd that kept the excitement going, even if she had to shout over Philomela's wailing.

--x-x-x-x-x--

BLONDIE LOCKES

'''Who won?? Who's next?'''

You decide!

Epic--

--x-x-x-x-x--

"Epic!" the crowd chimed in, requiring no prompting whatsoever this time.

--x-x-x-x-x--

BLONDIE LOCKES

Epic Rap Battles of Ever After Hiiiiiiiigh!

--x-x-x-x-x--

+1

--x-x-x-x-x--

Half an hour later found all four Italian fairytales huddled up in a corner-- bleachers which had been full mere minutes ago, but now lay empty. A handful of volunteers swept the remaining debris from the cave's floor.

Philomela hiccuped and wiped away the last of her tears. "I should apologize for ruining the poetry match."

"No, absolutely not," Opaline insisted, clasping her hand. "The entire purpose of slam poetry is to have fun. You very clearly weren't, so stopping was the only reasonable thing to do. I mean it."

"It's a very impolite kind of tradition, anyways," Obsidian nodded in agreement. "I'm actually sort of relieved it didn't progress further."

"I should really be the one who's sorry... since I was the one who suggested putting our names in the drawing," Canary softly offered her a clean handkerchief. "I thought you might like it because you enjoy poetry... but perhaps we'll just stick to books next time?"

"Speaking of which, I think Yarns and Nobles is having a book sale this weekend," Obsidian attempted to lighten the mood. "You're still looking for a copy of that one book in French, right?"

"Two of them," Canary reminded him. "Huis Clos and Morte D'Arthur, I think, if I'm recalling correctly... and we can keep searching for that last Spellvia Plath poetry book you're missing, if you want."

"And I heard about a gelato place that just opened in Book End," Opaline chimed in helpfully. "Blondie's food blog says it's the real deal."

"What do you say, 'Mela?" Canary attempted a small smile. "Bookstore and gelato?"

And Philomela-- Philomela but glanced up and smiled weakly.

"I must surely have the greatest friends in all of Ever After," she replied at last. "Okay. Let's."