User blog comment:Vinnnn/Character Critiques, Tips, and Hints/@comment-26633622-20150705082103/@comment-33209858-20150710031748

First of all, let me just apologize for this long-awaited reply! I've been sick IRL and haven't been on the wiki as much as I would like. Luckily I'm feeling better, so I'm more than happy to look over your two characters for you~

For Schönheit's appearance, you can pretty much make her look however you want, as her parent story doesn't give much to offer. I see you've already chosen a faceclaim, that being Alice Felgate, so perhaps model your character after her a bit if you're really stuck with appearance. You can give Schönheit curly blonde hair for a start. Any eye color works, really. I'd say either brown or green instead of just blue. Also, I'd say giving her a "baby face" or just making her look younger than her age would be a nice nod to her parent - I mean, they are young girls after all.

With her relationships, what specifically would you like me to help you out with? Developing them or coming up with ideas or something else you had in mind? Because normally when I write relationships, I start with their immediate family first - Who is their mother and father and do they have any siblings? Then, I expand on their relationship with that character - For example, do her mother and her get along? If so, why? What sort of relationship do they have? Do they live with each other? etc. etc. It doesn't have to be long if you don't want it to, but just clarifying the relationships between her and her friends and family do help expand on her character.

Lastly, I think her personality is fine. Feel free to expand on it more, and give her more personality traits that just being an angry hipster girl who rants online. That's all fine and dandy, but what other stuff does she like to do? Or, you could even talk about what kind of stuff she rants about and why she does so. It will definitely help add depth to her character!

And now, onto my review of Shojo!

First of all, I enjoy the tale you chose for her! I'd suggest adding more to her personality, or at least expanding on what you've written so far. For example, expand on why she has a column in the school newspaper and what's it's about. Or add more to her happy-go-lucky personality, and how she's able to help other people. How does she help them? Also, why is her least favorite subject Math? And why is the school newspaper her favorite? And why is she a Roybel and how does she feel about her destiny?

Going along with expanding her character, I'd suggest adding more to her relationships. And why is her father the Red King from Alice in Wonderland? What's her relationship with him? And wouldn't that make her and Lizzie half-sisters? Do they know about this? What's their relationship together? And how come she "isn't ready for a pet yet" even though she's apparently really good with animals?

Also, this is very small but EAH isn't in America. In fact, I don't think America exists in EAH's universe, as far as I can tell. EAH is located in the realm of Ever After, which is apart of the fairytale world in which they all live. Like I said, small detail but kind of important~

Overall, I'd just like to see more on Shojo. She has the potential to be a very interesting character, so feel free to definitely expand on her! Write more on her personality for a start, and expand on her that way! ^^ And if you need any help or advice, just let me know and I'll do my absolute best!