User blog comment:Vinnnn/Character Critiques, Tips, and Hints/@comment-26445347-20150528210214/@comment-33209858-20150529065237

It's no trouble at all ^-^ I love reviewing and critiquing characters~

So, first of all, I love that you gave her a "bad girl" personality. I feel like there's not nearly enough of those around, especially when it comes to canon (Faybelle was a huge step foward of course). I also love the design you made up with her - It's very Wonderlandian and mad! Although it's a very minor thing, I do notice that you refer to her as a "gangsta" a lot although her dress/overall look is more cutesy and and feminine - Not that cute and feminine women can't be gangstas, of course~

I notice that you mention that she is a kleptomaniac - "but only for jam tarts, nothing else as she thinks stealing is wrong." I would think that a hoodlum and deliquent like her wouldn't care much if stealing was wrong or not. However perhaps there's a reason why she thinks stealing is wrong, but when it comes to jam tarts she simply can't help herself and steals anyways. If there was a reason why she thinks stealing is wrong, feel free to expand on that! Sidenote, I love how you said that she steals Lizzie's tarts for "early revenge" ;D

Perhaps you could add some more to her personality? If you do so, it'll really help you get a grip with writing and dealing with all sorts of different characters. Add in some hobbies and interests of hers, make a few quirks or bad habits, or you could even explain how she interacts with other people (does she treat them nicely? rudely? weirdly?). I think working with a bad girl character would be really fun! I mean, you can add in little tidbits about what make her bad. Such as her maybe disrespecting authority or pulling a bunch of pranks. Fun, interesting tidbits that add onto her personality and character~

And I like her relationship dynamic with her father and grandmother. And I think it's super cute that Hartley and her father make jam tarts together (it makes me wonder though if she acts all innocent around her father, or if her father knows about her hoodlum antics and condones them or something). As for the listing of the other family members, I don't think it's all that necessary, especially if they are not important relatives like her mother or father or even grandmother. Maybe even instead of just listing off relative after relative, you can expand more about her relationships with the ones previously mentioned. That, or you can just shorten the list so that the Family section doesn't take up the entire page~

As for her pet, I'm curious why she has a fan-tailed goldfish. Coming from Wonderland, I would think she'd have a "crazier" pet, or maybe even like a baby dragon or some kind of angry beast because she's a deliquent. I do like the name of "Cake" though, as I assume that was meant to be a nod to the fact that tarts and cakes are both sweets. So the name is fine, I'm just wondering if there was a reason for her having a goldfish~ And if there is, please do tell me!

I also like that you included her interests and hobbies in the Trivia section. It definitely gives us a bit more insight into her character and who she is as a person~

Oh, and I noticed that her infobox is still a WIP? Or at least it hasn't been fully filled out in the Favorite Subject and Least Favorite Subject categories. It's best to explain why she likes or dislikes those classes. Why is her favorite subject Throne Economics (the EAH equivalent of Home Economics)? Why is her least favorite Gym? What I like about filling out the infoboxes is that they really make you think about your character - what they want, what their pet peeve is, and what school subjects they like and dislike. And it also really brings out the full potential of a character!

All in all, Hartley looks like a great character! Also, thank you so much for crediting me - That was very sweet of you <3 And if you need any more help or advice, feel free to ask!