Carmen Rosenrot/diary

A Rose by Every Other Name
I don’t want to be the next Rose-Red. Let’s just leave that one out in the open. I don’t want to invite a bear into my house (though they can be good company when you invite them in on your own terms), I don’t want to haplessly help some ungrateful dwarf, and I don’t want to be shipped off to some prince’s brother. I don’t want anything to do with it - and it’s obvious that some people have a problem with that.

Take Headmaster Grimm for example. He’s always blathering on about the importance of following your destiny, but he doesn’t realize how stupid of an idea that is. Clearly he doesn’t have to follow a destiny otherwise he’d know it’s all a pile of s̶h̶i̶t̶. Everything’s about ‘preserving the legacy of your stories’ - um, you can get Snow-White and Rose-Red on paper, on an e-reader, on Applaudible for Aesop’s sake...why do I need to relive this story? Why should I have to waste my life on their traditions, their ideals, their standards of what a princess should be? Life should be about spelling yourself, showing the world the you that you want to be. And damn it, I don’t want to be the next Rose-Red.

Hear that, Milton? It isn’t going to happen.

Chapter 1
Headmaster Grimm was pretty ticked off that I skipped Damsel-in-Distressing today. I sat on the barely-comfy chair over from his desk to hear his usual spiel.

“So, Carmen...” he seethed. Obviously doesn’t like me. “Why did you skip Damsel-in-Distressing class-ic second period today?” I looked at him comfortably and said “because it’s terrible.” You might think that’s a bit rude, but I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶f̶u̶c̶k̶ it’s honest. “You do realize that as a part of your Legacy Year studies, you are required to take class-ics that reflect your-” (you know what’s coming, right?) “-fairytale destiny?” I rolled my eyes for what felt like the eightieth time that day. Eye rolling is hard work. “Now I recognise your position on our policies,” he continued, “but there is no opting out of your allocated subjects, and that is final.”

“You see, I don’t want to ‘opt out’ of anything,” I began. “I just don’t want to go to these stupid class-ics. That’s not something you can just jump in and say, ‘No, you should do this’ because it’s not. Going. To. Happen.” This is when Grimm started to look really, really pissed. I looked at the clock in his office and interrupted him before he started. “Would you look at the time? I wouldn’t want to miss my class-ic,” stretching out the last syllable as long as I can. I walked out of the office even when he was trying to call me back.

And that is how you have the last word. Flawlessly.

Chapter 2
Aurelia Midas is a great roommate, and probably the only other princess I can tolerate in this school. She’s practical, funny, interesting, intelligent, and - best of all - understands exactly my problem without trying to a) change my mind, or b) getting too involved in my cause.

“So, how was Damsel-in-Distressing, y’know, since I didn’t go and all,” I asked her. She doesn’t reprimand me for being a truant, just giving me that ‘typical Carmen’ look. “It was just about keeping your dress clean throughout your rescue,” she replied quickly. And that is why I skipped class-ic today, because c'est ridicule. “Apple was asking about you,” she continued. I turned around and raised an eyebrow.

Apple White and I have a complicated relationship. I don’t hate her, but something about her just reeks of privilege. The fact that she gets two famous stories, the fact that she’s the Fairest of them All, not to mention the fact she’s a blonde Snow-White and nobody bats an eyelid. Don’t get me wrong, she’s family (more specifically, my cousin) but I think it’s best if we don’t mix. After all, we’re two very different pages of a book that makes no sense.

“Oh,” I simply said. “Is everything okay with her?” I didn’t want to sound like she’s dead to me, even if we’re not really that close. Aurelia looked back at me and says, “never been more fairest, from what I can tell.” Just as I expected, Apple’s life is perfect. That’s a life I want to avoid - the friends, the parties, the frivolity - but in some ways, I envy her. She’s everything I’m not. But then again, I’m everything she isn’t.

Chapter 3
Storybook Inceptionism is the best class-ic on my schedule, hands down. It’s challenging but fun, intriguing and gets me away from the princesses for a period. Professor Perrault understands my humour, so I get along with him moreso than the other teachers at Ever After High. Hex, I even get along with the other students in this class! Today’s project was a paired task, so I went with one of the only decent boys at school, Ernest Tailor. It’s a small class so I have pretty slim pickings anyway, but Ernest is no bother to me, and that’s exactly why I like working with him. Also, don’t tell a tale, but he’s crazy about Aurelia. In that sense, I suppose I’m his proxy and personal Bookipedia on everything about her. I thought it was sweet at first, but now I just want him to book up and talk to her.

“So, how’s Aurelia doing?” Ernest asked the inevitable question. I sighed and gave him a ‘Seriously?’ look. “She’s doing great,” I replied. “She’d be doing even better if you talked to her.”

“I know, but it’s just...difficult.”

“Oh, come on. It’s not that difficult. You’re sort of cute, in a weird way but cute nonetheless,” I said sheepishly. “And you couldn’t ask for a better personality. You definitely have a certain charm.” I hope that my speech can finally get him to talk to her, or there’s nothing more I can do. “By the way, don’t let anyone know I helped you. All of this, you didn’t hear it from me.” I give him a smile that said “Go for it.”

Chapter 4
I returned to the dorm to find that Aurelia had a surprise for me. That dreaded word...’surprise’ - it lets off a stench of cackling delight and undeniable horror. But a surprise is not something that should stay hidden. The biggest surprises can never stay hidden for long - it reminds me of my first time at Taco Spell (note to readers: one packet of hot sauce is enough!)

“There’s a princess party happening tonight,” she began, and this is when I realised that it had nothing to do with hot sauce. “There’s an invitation there if you want it.” Now we get into some really deep philosophical stuff. You see, by blood I’m a princess, so there isn’t anything wrong about me going to the party. But there’s so much bullshit that goes with the title of princess - all of the pretty dresses, the curtseys and the royal dances, that’s something I just don’t like. That’s why I was this close to saying no. But I said yes.

I know, shocker. But why shouldn’t I have a little fun once in a while? Most of the time I keep to myself, surfing the MirrorNet or binge watching Snow-White is the New Black...something like that. I can be a fierce and unapologetic person and have friends too. Hex, maybe the princesses might actually like me, as acidic and irascible as I am.

“Fine, I’ll do it.” Aurelia looked a bit shocked, but her shock changed to excitement. “You’re coming to the party with me! This is going to be so much fun.” We give hand hugs (to make up for a lack of real hugs, in case she turns me into gold).

Chapter 5
Getting ready like a princess is something I’ve never felt the urge to do in my life. But I’m going to be a princess for a day - why not? I’m as much right to a tiara as any Sleeping Beauty or Little Mermaid. My father happens to be a prince, even if he is the random brother I suppose.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Aurelia (and she’s the only person I’ll publicly call a real friend) but she sometimes goes a bit crazy with the glam. I don’t dust a ton of blush on my face and intricately style my hair. I just put on the necessary mascara and pony up my hair - and boom, that’s me done for the day. I’ve never felt the need to do any more than that. But Aurelia insists, “that’s what I’d do.” She caked my face in the finest cosmetics, always with a gloved hand of course. Beauty is pain, not being turned into gold. But there’s nobody else I’d trust to simultaneously make me look like a fierce princess and still be classic Carmen. That’s why I just let her work my magic, until she stopped me, mirror in hand, and said “ready?” And when I saw my face in the mirror, that’s when I knew that I had the best roommate.

I didn’t look like a ‘pretty princess’ at all. I looked like a gorgeous Carmen Rosenrot, and that’s exactly what I was hoping for. “I knew you didn’t want to look like all the other princesses,” Aurelia said with a big grin on her face. “And you were bang on the mirror with that one,” I replied.

Now I’ve got the look of a fierce princess, all I had to do was go to the party. Spoiler alert: More difficult than it looks.

Chapter 6
Coming soon...