Elwood Silverstone

Fact or Fiction?: Elwood Silverstone

Written by Oma Boulos

Elwood Silverstone. What can I say about Elwood Silverstone?

He is the man, the myth, the legend. His records exist in the school archives, but most don’t even believe he’s real. Mention his name to a random person on campus, and they’ll probably think you’re some kind of crackpot conspiracy theorist! But, I am no conspiracy theorist. I long to uncover the truth about Elwood, to dispel the mystery around him once and for all.

This is Fact or Fiction?, and today, we’ll be discovering exactly why Elwood is akin to a cryptid in our school, and how his existence is proven!

Personality: What Makes Him Tick?
The first thing that one may wonder about Elwood is “If he’s real, what is he like?” This is a very valid question!

The answer? We don’t know. But, before you bring out the torches and pitchforks, we do have some ideas!

When we asked around about Elwood, a few people came forward with similar reports on his personality. Although they refused to explain how they knew him for personal reasons, they did provide some well needed context when it comes to who Elwood is beyond what his files suggest.

The general consensus was that Elwood is a very polite and friendly soul. According to these sources, he’s never seen without a smile on his face, and always has a kind word for every new person he meets. “He showers people with compliments, but you never get the impression that he doesn’t mean what he says.” One said. “It’s clear that he’s sincere!”

Additionally, they say that his manner of speech is a bit old fashioned, but very pretty to listen to. “It’s like an antique, kinda. Very quaint!” Another gushed. “He speaks very eloquently, and it’s like listening to a speech. You can’t get enough of it.”

However, when asked how to find him, all of them blanched and refused to help us in our search. “It’s a matter of privacy.” One professed. “We can’t do that! It’s unethical!”

Beyond these sources, more can easily be learned if one only has the foresight to investigate.

For one thing, Elwood is altruistic. The reason why he got into Ever After High in the first place was for winning a science scholarship. The project he submitted was focused on his work creating more reliably available cures for illness and antidotes for those in poverty. His selflessness drew the judges’ attention and won him his acceptance letter. While most of our peers have been only focused on trivial pursuits these days, Elwood is living proof that you too can pursue a goal and still be true to your tale!

Also, it’s clear that he’s very intelligent. Without taking into account his extensive vocabulary, his grade records have been straight As with high grade point averages for years. His teachers, despite being unable to describe his face, attest that his reasoning is well thought out and his penmanship is impeccable. “I’m not sure why he wastes his time here.” A teacher, who preferred to remain anonymous, admitted. “He could very easily be in college by now if he applied. And, somehow, I doubt he sticks around for the social aspect of school…”

Regardless of the mystery surrounding his continued attendance here, there’s no doubt that Elwood is a hard worker! While others go to social events and make long lasting connections that will immediately be terminated once destiny knocks on their door, Elwood toils away countless hours in the confines of his room on his chemistry project.

What is his chemistry project? We only have a few hints, but they solidify the concept that Elwood is a selfless soul.

A now discontinued newspaper printed a very brief interview with Elwood that offered a few clues. A single photograph was included, but only of his project and not of his face. Additionally, his physical features were not described in the text. Still, it was very helpful in establishing Elwood’s intentions.

Interviewer: What do you want to do now that you’ve won?

Elwood: ''The herbs in the woods surrounding Ever After High are reputed to possess intriguing properties that I’m very eager to explore. I intend to be cognizant when mapping out a course of action beforehand, since there are a multitude of risk factors involved in any kind of forest expedition, but the possibilities are far too vast to ignore. To me, it is only a matter of time before I bottle a tonic that will save lives. After all, is that not the purpose of life? To throw yourself utterly into philanthropy?''

Interviewer: ''Man, your philosophy sure is a neat one! Do you have anything else you’d like to say to the youth of America?''

Elwood: ''Be grateful for what you have. I lacked… appreciation for certain people that I no longer know, and it cost me. It cost me a great deal. But, also be grateful for suffering. It passes on experience. It gives you wisdom. Embrace it, and do not let it break you. All things will change you, but they do not have to shatter you. Suffering can give you strength. Just… don’t seek it out, okay?''

Interviewer: ''Haha, okay! Thanks for talking, Elwood.''

Elwood: It’s been a pleasure!

Ah! You see, readers? ‘It’s been a pleasure!’ Elwood truly is a polite guy!

Moving right along…

If there is one final thing we can say with certainty, it is abundantly clear that Elwood is a secretive individual. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with a dude who likes to keep his cards close to his chest, there’s also something a little bit weird about a nice guy who avoids social interaction. It’s something that I’ve personally thought about a great deal these past few weeks.

Is Elwood simply disinterested in companionship? No matter how open he seems, no one has denied the fact that he cuts chats short because of work a lot. Or, behind his smiles, is he a lonely soul, hoping for someone to come along and shower him with love?

What do you think? Vote in this poll to let us know!

Appearance: Looks Ain’t Everything
A week ago, we gave our peers the opportunity to tell us what Elwood looked like! However, when reviewing the answers we received, none of them shared any similarities, and a few were just plain ridiculous! From mundane “blonde locks” to inane “dark purple skin”, it was impossible to discern the truth.

Instead, we turned to our reliable anonymous sources. They were initially unwilling to aid us in this aspect of our endeavor, but succumbed after some pestering to offer a few details.

All they agreed to say was that Elwood is an elf, that he has brown hair, and that it's length is not short. When it came to other information beside this, their lips were sealed.

Therefore, after some deliberation, our best estimate is that Elwood resembles a brunette Legolas Greenleaf from the popular franchise Lord of the Rings.

What do you think he looks like? Let us know in the comment section down below!

Interviews: See, We Really Are Journalists!
No article is complete without some interviews! After a long period of searching, we managed to find a few people who were adamant about knowing Elwood, heedless of the possible ridicule they could face for such a bold declaration.

These three individuals were willing to talk to us at great length about Elwood Silverstone, and his prominent role in their lives. What they had to say surprised us, but also gladdened our hearts. It is wonderful that someone like him exists in the world. And it is equally wonderful that he has made friends with such beautiful people!

Iseul Soo
For your reading pleasure, we have included a transcript of our interview with the lovely Miss Soo!



Interviewer: Hello, Miss Soo!

Iseul: ''Hi! You can call me Iseul though! Or Ise, if you want! We’re friends now, right?''

Interviewer: ''Haha, certainly! So, Iseul, how are you today?''

Iseul: ''Oh, I’m doing great! I watched a movie yesterday with my friends, and it was soooooo much fun! Gosh, I love sleepovers. And popcorn. And-''

Interviewer: Which friends?

Iseul: ''Oh, I mean my best friends, but without Marmion! Elwood, Azra, Virgil, Dante and Beatrice! We didn’t get to watch a horror movie this time, thank God, but we did watch Coraline. … Can you keep a secret?''

Interviewer: Of course!

Iseul: ''I-I didn’t like it. It was way scary, and the Other Mother gave me the creeps! Virgil said it was awesome, but I don’t really get how it could be when Coraline almost died, and-''

Interviewer: Did Elwood enjoy it?

Iseul: ''Yeah, he did! I was so happy! But, Elwood likes practically anything scary. He’s such a dork, but I love him, and he’s the best. He gets me cake a lot, so that automatically makes him the coolest!''

Interviewer: Ah, so Elwood is real then?

Iseul: Well, yeah! ''Did you think he wasn’t? That’s pretty weird.''

Interviewer: Some people have their doubts.

Iseul: Then, they’re ''weird! Elwood is as real as you or I!''

Interviewer: Can you tell me a little about him?

Iseul: Um… He’s kinda hard to describe…

Interviewer: Take your time!

Iseul: ''Okay, I got it! He’s very smart. Like, wow, he’s a major brainiac. But that makes him a major nerd too, so I don’t try that hard to follow in his footsteps. Uh, also, he doesn’t sleep a lot because he’s dumb and doesn’t care about his health like he should. I have to drag him out of his room sometimes, and he always stinks of chemical fumes when I do. Ugh!'' Chemicals. Who likes them that much anyway?

Interviewer: Um… Chemists?

Iseul: …

Interviewer: …

Iseul: I… guess?

Interviewer: Sorry if I made this interview awkward.

Iseul: ''Awwww, don’t worry! You can’t be more awkward than Elwood is sometimes.'' ‘Elwood, let’s do something fun!’ ‘No, because I’m boring and lonely and need a hug, but I don’t want one from you because I’m also NOT A HUGGER.’

The two dissolved into laughter for a solid 2 minutes before finally letting up.

Interviewer: Ahaha, I’m so sorry, but that impression was comedy gold!

Iseul: ''Hahah, don’t apologize! I really do love Elwood though. He just works too much, you know? I hope you’ll meet him one day! You’d like him, I can tell.''

Interviewer: Hopefully, I will meet him one day.

Iseul: Well, you know, I could always-

There is the sound of static, through which a voice, identified as male, can faintly be heard.

Iseul: ''Oh, sorry! I gotta go.''

Interviewer: ''Huh? B-But, I had more questions…''

Iseul: Oh, I'm really sorry, but Marmion needs me to do something.

Interviewer: Marmion-?

Iseul: See ya later!

With that, the interview abruptly ended. In our lovely interviewer’s notes, all they had to add was that they hadn’t heard any static at the time when the audio cut out, but they had felt a sudden abnormal chill and the sense of being unsafe. “It was very unpleasant.”

No further information about any student named Marmion could be found.

Azra Olwen
Sadly, the entirety of the audio was obscured during this interview, but the interviewer managed to take notes by hand this time to have two records of the exchanges. While they told me beforehand that they got the distinct impression that Azra did not like Elwood, their notes showed otherwise. I have not been able to talk to them about the contradiction just yet, but the article will be updated once I do!



Interviewer: ''Um, hello? Are you Miss Olwen?''

Azra: ''If this is about my upcoming show again, I shall have to see you out. It’s nothing personal, but the media’s constant inquiries have become a bit of a… how you say, a'' nuisance.

Interviewer: ''No, no, it’s not that! It’s about Elwood Silverstone.''

Azra: ''Elwood Silverstone? No one has ever asked me about him before.''

Interviewer: Well, do you know him?

Azra: ''Why, yes, I do. He is a dear friend to me.''

Interviewer: How did you two meet?

Azra: ''It was all thanks to Iseul. She, out of the kindness of her heart, brought the two of us together. It was only natural that we’d get along. I with my grace and magic, him with his logic and science. We may seem like opposites, but we are really two sides of a coin, and two peas in a pod.''

Interviewer: Is there anything else you’d like to say about him?

Azra: ''… I’d say we clash sometimes, but it is hardly the soap opera you might think. We only have problems with each other over trivial matters. I proudly call him a friend of mine, in any event, and he does the same. That is all I would like to say.''

Interviewer: Thank you for your time!

Azra: No, thank you.

UPDATE: They still haven’t gotten back to me! I guess the interview will remain unchanged for now…

Virgil Dextrum
According to the last email the interviewer sent me, Virgil was especially hard to find. Only a very brief (and peppered with emojis) text message from Iseul had given us a tip as to who would be best to interview next. Even so, the interview did not go as planned…

Interviewer: ''Hi, Mister Dextrum! Sorry to bother you, but could I ask you a few questions about Elwood Silverstone?''

Virgil: ''Uh, sure? Not sure why he matters, but okay.''

Interviewer: So you too think he exists?

Virgil: ''Yeah, he exists. … Wait, does he not exist? That’d be pretty odd. I’ll have to ask him about that.''

Interviewer: Ah, so you do ''know Elwood. Can you tell me a little bit about him?''

Virgil: ''Er, yeah. He sure is different!''

Interviewer: ''Hm? In what way?''

Virgil: Well, with all of the [AHHH] he does, like-

The rest of the audio cut out abruptly after this, and none of it could be recovered. After sending the audio file, the interviewer hasn’t responded to any of my emails, text messages, or calls. If you know anything about their whereabouts, please let me know!

Marmion Erz
D̳̹̲͖̄͋Ŏ̳̣͙͆ͥÈ̎̿̑́̿̂S̥̭̒N̠͔̱̑̎̿̃́ͧ̓'͓͔̜͈̠͛T̪̔̄ ͉̜͈̹͍ͮĘ͍͙̩̼ͤ̒ͮ̎X̪͍̏ĨŜ̫̯̝̞̄ͭ͌ͩ̉͂T̟̜̹͇̈́̊ͬ̉

User-Submitted Testimonies: Braving the Comment Section
We’re almost done!

To entertain you, we’ve collected some hilarious user-submitted testimonies for you to peruse. None of these have been proven to be factual, and all of them are questionable, but at least they can give you a laugh! Save these for a rainy day, and they’ll be sure to turn your frown upside down!

“I kissed Elwood once, behind a 7/11. But it felt like ice. It felt like tears. It felt like lies.”

“Elwood and I waged an epic battle in the woods at dawn. He is quite proficient with the blade.”

“I think Elwood does drugs.”

“Remember that time Elwood drowned? I sure do. You guys bringing up dead people are really insensitive.”

“Can’t wait for Elwood’s new mix tape!”

“Follow me on Instagram to see cool selfies of me and my bae Elwood <3”

“I… I have a confession to make. Elwood… Elwood isn’t even alive anymore. I… I KILLED HIM!”

“Ah, Elwood? You mean the dude who’s a meme from that pitched sitcom ‘Ise, Please? God, his laugh is SO STUPID.”

“Give me an E! Give me a L. Give me a WOOD! What does that spell? ELWOOD!”

“If we’re talking about Elwood, I heard he was going to ask Apple White out to dinner.”

“No, he’s asking Daring Charming out to dinner!”

“No, no, no! He’s asking- SHUT UP! NO ONE CARES!”

“Elwood Silverstone, all alone with no home, he’s where the buffalo roam, in his soul, in his… tomb?"

“Nice try, Robert Frost Junior.”

“#LETELWOODLIVE2K17”

“Elwood is a dead meme and this site is cancer."

“#ELWOODFORPRESIDENT”

“Hey, here’s a joke. What does Elwood do as a DJ?”

“What? :P”

“D-D-D-D-DROP THE BASE”

“WOMP WOMP”

“Elwood be tripping. ON SOME ACID, THAT IS!”

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH”

“I just want you all to know that I’ve reported everyone in this comment section, including myself.”

See? Fun times!

To Conclude
In conclusion, sometimes there are mysteries that just can’t be solved. While Elwood’s existence has been verified by different accounts, it is hard to ignore the fact that we still have no clue what he looks like or more concrete things about his behavior.

But, still, what we do know comforts me. Not all mysteries are bad ones. And, maybe, leaving Elwood in peace to help save the world is the right thing to do.

Thank you for reading Fact or Fiction?, and have a nice day!

...

...

...

...

...

...

START OF LOG

''Hello. Who are you?''

…

What are you hacking this article for?

...

...

… I know you can see my text.

Asshole.

Go away.

...

HACKING: 10% COMPLETE

...

Ugh, you’re still here?

''Weirdo. >.>''

''You’re not getting much farther. Try THIS on for size.''

...

FIREWALL IMPLEMENTED

wootiekcife

Sigirooegjf

'FIREWALL DISABLED

...

''… What? You got past that?''

You’re less of a novice than I thought.

Hmph.

...

HACKING: 15% COMPLETE

…

Still not talking to me, huh?

Whatever.

Just letting you know.

There’s nothing here.

But I’m still not letting this hacking slide.

It’s my job to keep bozos like you out.

''So, it’s nothing personal, bud. Just work.''

''Good luck with your corrupted files! :D''

FILES CORRUPTED: 80% LOST

…

HACKING: 25% COMPLETE

...

DAMN IT!

Why do you have so many inane pictures?

SERIOUSLY.

CATS?!?

''What the hell are you anyway? A hacker or a cat enthusiast?''

…

Fine! ''Don’t answer that.’’

''Ugh. You stupid silent hacker types…''

What are you even going to gain from this?

''There’s. Nothing. Here.''

So, STOP THIS.

AND GO AWAY!

…

HACKING: 45% COMPLETE

…

''… Okay. >:(''

I’m tired of you FUCKING ASSHOLES screwing up my job.

I mean, come on!

You don’t know what you want.

You don’t even know what you’re going to get!

All you’re doing is bringing pain down on yourself for some sort of ‘hidden truth’.

Well, guess what?

There is no truth.

You’re not going to find anything here.

Why do you even bother?

Hm…

Lemme guess.

…

You were dared.

Or ‘Elwood Silverstone’ annoyed you somehow

Get over it, loser.

I never said anything about Elwood Silverstone.

Ah, so NOW you’re talking to me- wait.

You really are ''looking for Elwood?’’

AHAHAHAHA XD That’s rich!!!

''He doesn’t even exist!!! Ahaha''

''I just made him up!!! lol''

You’re funny!

NOW GET OUT.

…

HACKING: 75% COMPLETE

…

Ow.

That’s starting to hurt.

Why won’t you liiiiiiisten to meeeeee?

Qwertyuiop

Ack, that was weird.

Seriously though, hacking ain’t cool.

Don’t you know you’re hurting me by doing this?

Yes.

… And you don’t care?

''God, you’re... you’re more fucked up than I thought you were.''

Damn.

I thought this would be an easy punishment.

Shit.

…

HACKING: 87% COMPLETE

…

I THINK I’M GONNA BE SICK

…

HACKING: 90% COMPLETE

…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

…

HACKING: 92% COMPLETE

…

Oh god oh god oh god oh god oH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

…

HACKING: 99% COMPLETE

…

STOP IT

YOU’RE HURTING M E

WHAT THE FAOFIRIEC

ASSH28;8(&2eid

I HOPE YOU DDDDDDIEEEEEE

aidiritigienebddi

Soforieigidiqoek

Voeoiwofifi37459:9,&82

Fogoeiei38((8/&/!,7(83@*{*{*?*|£{sv

Asdfghkl;

…

…

...

ACCESS GRANTED

WELCOME TO THE DATABASE.

HOW MAY I HELP YOU?

Elwood Silverstone file

'''YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWED ACCESS TO DOCUMENT TYPE A: SILVERSTONE. IS THIS WHAT YOU’D LIKE TO SEE? SELECT YES TO PROCEED.'''

Yes

'''THANK YOU FOR VISITING THE DATABASE. WE WILL PULL UP YOUR REQUESTED DOCUMENT SHORTLY.'''

SEARCHING …

SCANNING …

RETRIEVING …

DOCUMENT TYPE A: SILVERSTONE

Subject Name: Elwood Silverstone

Age: 17

Species: Wood elf

Role: Apprentice to [redacted] with all of the duties that said designation implies

Status: Alive

Further information is contained in Document Type E: Ljosalfhiem, where it can be read by approved operatives and not by S̴͇̖͍͇̻H̰̭̥̦̟̜Í̬̱̱̻̥̫̲̱͠T̨҉̶̼̘̞̩T̖̼̣̪̙͇̥͟Ỳ̠̯̳̘̯̩͠ ̷̵͍̩͖̭͓̟̩͈̼H͎̻̫̥̙͇̠͞Ą̦̱C͏̼̰̪K͍͉͔͎̣͔E͕̙͓̫̗̮̳͢R͎̼̟͍̲͔̕͜Ş̷̱̞̣͍͍͎ͅ ̟̮͍͙͕L̶̲͖̰͙̫̕I̵̜̜̺K̨̫̟̗̻̘̬̠ͅE̬̩̝͘͠ ̱̮̠͕Y̹̘̫͙̠O̵̯͡͝Ụ̡͍̻̕.

...

...

… What the fuck was that?!?

''The security. You’re welcome.''

'Security…? What are they going to do, ban me from the website? I know the truth now! You can’t stop information from spreading.'

You can if you remove the source!

What?

...

...



END OF LOG

AN
Yo, thanks for reading! Quick, take this: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CbRHEDvhEV4ueZ9mBJlWxAfwu7MdZ8RGwKSdA7MB6Ac