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Azra Olwen (she/her) is a 2019-introduced and all-around character.

Fact or Fiction?: Azra Olwen

Written by Oma Boulos


Start of Log

hey, did you hear the news???

no??? what

azra's FINALLY getting an article from that oma girl

oh!!! ewwww

i KNOW, right?!? why couldn't it be blondie instead smh

well, guess even someone like her knows how cool she is!! i bet she's losing her m I ND

oh ew can you IMAGINE fojfjofjd still though she better not say anything mean

aw come on why would she?? azra's great what would there b 2 say

ugh dunno guess i'm just paranoid... u know how bad just right can b

yeaaa but we all have her back!!! should b fine don't b such a worrywart :P

lmao whatever why do I even talk to you

End of Log

Fact or Fiction?: Azra Olwen

Written by Oma Boulos

Wow! I’m a crackpot and I can’t write! Good thing this article doesn’t exist!

Start of Log

ariellll my article got taken down :(

lmao so

they called me a crackpot!!!! I’m so upset

that’s just the truth bb what’s the deal

this is why i don’t like youuuuuu

wow same here

anyway toodles we’re watching a movie

you mean you’re fighting with kim over the movie

bc you like unnecessary conflict

and can’t picture being civil for 5 seconds

see this is why i hate you bb

mind your beeswax goddamn! xoxo

what??? no????

message read


message read

oh you are just a little bastard aren’t you

message read ;)

ugh fine suit yourself! see you later xoxo

lol sure bye oma~

End of Log

Fact or Fiction?: Azra Olwen

Written By An Absolute Moron

Are you even trying?

Fact or Fiction?: Azra Olwen

Manifested Into Existence From The Mind Of A Dumbass

Fact or Fiction? It’s More Stupid Than You Think

Face Your Flatulence

Written By Oma Boulos

How many times can I write bs on a page? Whatever number you’re thinking, it’s more than that!

Our Fave is Cooler Than Yours

Written by a legend’s biggest fans

Start of Log

Okay, Oma. We need to talk.

This has gone on for too long.

yea I know

I can’t handle this anymore

but what can I do??? None of the ways I write are satisfying apparently

Don’t worry about it, Oma. Just leave it to me, okay?

k, but… are you sure you know what you’re doing????

Oh, poor, poor Oma….

I’m Ariel Rucker, remember?

I always know what I’m doing~

End of Log

By Blondie Lockes’ just right decree, this page is protected from vandalism.

Fact or Fiction?: Azra Olwen

Written By Ariel Rucker

Hi. Ariel here.

Let me just start off by saying that I’m no professional. I don’t care about the ‘importance of journalism in an information-driven world’. What I care about is saying what I think.

Let’s establish a few things.

  • The title of this blog is stupid. Just look at it. ‘Fact or Fiction?’??? Oma, you’re so dumb. What does that even mean? I’m going to end you. It just sounds like you doubt people actually exist. Honestly, you probably do. I hate you so much.
  • Judging celebrities isn’t really something I care about. Overall, we (I mean the general ‘we’ used for society, not any we involving myself), look at famous people and overanalyze their lives and choices. Frankly, I can’t bring myself to give a shit. People are judged by their own merits in my books. Besides, if everyone is famous here, that just means no one’s famous.
  • I’m not some Azra Olwen hater. I know some of you think it’s quirky to be one, and that just makes you all kinds of pathetic. Counterpoint though: if you go around harassing people just for not liking your favorite celeb, you’re even worse. Just saying!
  • My dear frenemy Oma has no sense of style or tact, so I guess I have to do her job for her now. Great. Look, I know he’s an idiot better than anyone else in this fucking school, but if you keep crushing his little ego, he’ll probably never recover. And, of fucking course because I make poor life choices, I’ll be the one dealing with the big baby, so at least try to be gentle for the sake of my sanity.

Got all that? I’m still not sure if any people who like this bullshit can actually read, but I’ll guess I’ll find out soon enough.

Oh, and I’m not doing the ‘my dear readers’ thing. You think you’re special? You think I care about holding your hand? This is my show now. If you don’t already know what this blog post is or who it’s about, you need help from someone who’s uglier and less stylish than me.

We good here? Well, let’s go then.

Let’s Pretend You Don’t Know Who Azra Is

What’s a Non-Believer to a Celebrity?

I’m alright with however anyone sees me, so long as they don’t think I’m weak.
Azra’s one of those people who everyone thinks they know, but no one really knows for sure. People just sort of assume because it’s easier, I think. It’s simpler to think that a person is the way you want them to be because it’ll hurt too much otherwise. If you pretend otherwise, you’re probably full of shit.

We’re all just going through life seeing things the way we want to see them. Did you know that? We all have our personal shades on, tinting everything around us. We like some people, hate others, and just exist in our own little shared bubbles of perception.

That’s sort of how Azra works. It’s hard to say what she’s like because anything you know is all biased anyway. You can’t even trust what she says about herself; why on earth would it be objective?

See, that’s why I hate this sort of thing. You come looking for some subjective opinion to agree with or tear down, but pretend it’s supposed to be fact. Is anything really fact? Aren’t we all just fucking around, waiting for the final time to punch out?

Just a thought!

Anyway, people think unicorns in general are very sweet. Some of the more new fans usually describe Azra as such in tweets, babbling about her kindness all over the place. It’s kinda sickening really. Spend any decent amount of time with one of those beings, and you’ll know that they aren’t just a pillar of virtue. Who has the time for that?

Any veteran fan worth their salt can tell you that Azra Olwen’s best feature isn’t her heart. It’s her mind.

Strength of mind is more than just intellectual. (Don’t take this as a cheap dumb blonde shot; heaven knows the stupidest people I know are all brunettes. You know who you are.) It’s also about your determination. All the tabloids worth their salt know that the subject of this craptastic article dragged herself from the bottom to the top with nothing more than sheer dedication and willpower.

(Well, and a little bit of luck, but no one likes acknowledging probability while snacking on shiny success stories.)

Azra’s fame is born from a need to look up to people. She presents herself as an ideal, and becomes one more and more with every fan she gets. At the end of the day, how she feels doesn’t matter. Who she is doesn’t really matter either.

She’s a product. Plain and simple. But, damn, if she isn’t cool.

First Position, Second Position, Third Position

Look. She’s a ballet dancer. If you’re here, you have to know that. That’s her entire thing. She dances and she’s really fucking good at it. Thank you and goodnight.

Steal Her Look For Just 20 Dollars!

Okay, I’ll admit it. I can see what the fuss is about. In the most subjective sense - and don’t kill me for this, Oma, I saw your rough drafts - Azra’s kinda hot? I guess? I wouldn’t go for it though.

Sure, she’s really fit. Ballet takes a lot out of a person. It exercises a lot of muscles, and if you’ve been doing it as long as she has, you’re gonna benefit from the effects of that too! That’s like 45 percent of her appeal for me.

Her hair’s nice enough too, if you’re into that shade of blonde that’s just shy of white. It’s very long and wavy; I’d love to run my hands through it to style it into a nice braid. Of course, each hair probably costs more than my entire life, so that’s never gonna happen.

There was a poll about five months ago on her most striking feature. People got really heated about it! It mostly came down to Azra’s horn or her eyes. Some of the arguments were actually pretty well written! Imagine if you guys took the time to channel that passion towards your essays. Besides, it’s obviously her eyes.

Whine all you want about it, kiddos, but the horn business just lets you know that she’s a unicorn. The equine (translator note: equine means horse) ears are a bit too subtle for some of you morons, so nature gave her a horn to warn you that some shit will go down if you cross her. And by ‘her’, I mean that in the most general sense possible. Unicorns can and will end you if necessary; it’s just bad PR if they do.

Her eyes on the other hand? They warn you about the stuff going on in her head. She has to manage a billion things, and she handles it with style. Her blue-green eyes might be hard, but they glitter like the gem she is. Or, at least, that’s what some interviews say.

None of those are my personal favorite Azra Olwen physical feature though. The rest of the appeal comes from her cheeks.

No, I am not shitting you. I know how you people work. You get to this part and you think I’m having a lark. Well, I’m not. They’re round and contrast her more angular features! They’re cute!

None of you appreciate my galaxy brain and it shows.

Minor Character Time!

I’ll never get away with saying this again, will I?

Okay, so basically, there’s a part in The Valiant Little Tailor where the main dude has to catch a unicorn for the king. He does this by making it charge into a tree before cutting off its horn. It’s pretty shitty destiny wise. Gotta wonder why she’s so big on being a Royal then, hm? People are weird.

Did You Read Her Interview? At All?

This is a pointless section because Azra Olwen doesn’t do relationships. She doesn’t have the time for it.

Oma likes to pretend that Azra likes Elwood Silverstone, but I think we all know that if the poor sod does exist, he’d never get the chance to breathe the same air as the dancer to begin with. Can you imagine?

But, yeah. This is just me filling my quota because Oma would gut me otherwise. Gotta love sticking to stupid formats.

The End

As someone probably says in showbiz, that’s all, folks!

I don’t really know what to say about Azra. I’d totally steal some of her clothes, but that doesn’t really matter, does it? Mostly because I don’t plan on it, and also because you don’t care about it anyway.

You don’t give a flying fuck what I have to say. You just care that it’s not Oma Boulos saying it. And honestly, I don’t care if you’re suddenly feeling guilty about it or not. You still suck major ass.

This is a general you of course. If you in the specific sense, somehow, actually like Oma’s work, then I hope you didn’t mind me butchering the hell out of it. I mean, I still doubt that you mystery people can read, but she hypothetically has fans, so. Shout out to you, I guess. I don’t get paid enough for this. Or at all.

And if you’re Azra Olwen, which I doubt, cool. It’s kinda weird thinking about you for any length of time. Sometimes, I forget you’re even real. Maybe you’re just a collective hallucination we all have to make ourselves feel like shit for not accomplishing anything with our lives up until now. Who knows?

I haven’t slept in like 2 days, so I’m out. Peace.

Was this a good first article on my part?

The poll was created at 21:29 on July 19, 2019, and so far 6 people voted.


AzraLover4000 says: He should write literally all the gossip articles from now on ngl

JustRightOfficial says: Would you say that sentiment is a common one? We’re always open to feedback from our audience!!!

AzraLover4000 says: of course who even likes Oma’s stuff lol just look at social media

JustRightOfficial says: Thank you beary much for your opinion! We’ll release a statement on the matter at another time!

Start of Log

So! How did I do?




but you totally liked it

… yeah. I did.

xoxo my work here is done

End of Log






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