Fanfiction is sort of my thing. Let me know if you ever need a beta-reader.
Alpha Towers

Neoclassical Towers, better known by their nickname Alpha, is heir to the legacy of Dame Gothel from the Rapunzel fairytale, as collected by the Brothers Grimm. They are also Alpha's self-insert EAHsona.

As they graduated high school before the whole destiny deal was even up for debate, they are completely neutral to the Royal/Rebel conflict, as it doesn't seem to have affected their story. They are, however, looking forward to having Holly O'Hair over for a massive ultra-long sleepover in a few years... and they really hope that they and Holly get to beta-read each others' fanfic!



Alpha considers themselves something of a daydreamer, often with very poor focus when it comes to getting work done. They are prone to getting distracted, and there are those who might describe them as distant or difficult to approach-- but more often than not, they are only lost in their own thoughts. Talk about a Tower with their head in the clouds, amirite?

Sometimes abstractly philosophical and very highly opinionated, it isn't unusual to find Alpha bouncing ideas about oddly meta "character arcs" and "headcanons" off of whomever bothers to listen. They have a tendency to "canonize" things that they like completely impulsively, without regard for how such a thing would even work in whichever universe they favor this week-- and then mould the rest of the world to fit in around their idea. Their impulse control, in general, is pretty terrible, and it wouldn't be strange for Alpha to literally drop everything they were doing in order to go off on a new idea of theirs.

They love riddles and puns to the point that they are feasibly fluent in Riddlish, though they have never had a formal class on the language. Something of a nerd, they find memes about old literature absolutely hilarious.


They carry around a notebook in which they scribble odd doodles of character designs, or snippets of prose or poetry or even just disjointed phrases that occur to them now and then. They habitually push up their glasses when speaking to people, whether online or in real-life.

Alpha has something of an unfortunate tendency to go silent, dropping off the radar sometimes for weeks at a time, before abruptly dropping their latest fanfiction epic or going off on a lengthy, fearsomely long ramble about their latest thoughts on the nature of some philosophical treatise or another.

Their favorite food is lasagna, due in no small part because they like how the layers form a sort of "tower." They drink their coffee with milk and no sugar, and prefer a medium-dark roast. They are prone to occasionally forgetting to eat if they get particularly wrapped up in a project of theirs, but they will never in a million years forget to make coffee.

The vast majority of Alpha's interactions are online, but even in person, they speak with such carefully enunciated words that their usage of proper grammar and capitalization is practically audible. Though they have a tendency to launch into vague tirades of purple-prose at times, they actually prefer to use orange when colored text is an option. Sometimes, they use punctuation in the middle of a sentence to communicate their emotional reaction, but they are generally so dry as to be difficult to scrutinize.

Hobbies and Interests

Alpha loves writing fanfiction, of course, particularly involving angst, romantic comedies, and whichever exciting alternate universe is their favorite this week. They especially love coming up with cool new relationships and character interactions to write about-- even if, in the universe they live in, these "characters" are real people.

(They are deeply apologetic for starting the online "Romadon" trend with their disaster of a fanfic, Mercutio is Dead. Nevertheless, though they openly acknowledge that the relationship is deeply unhealthy, they have something of a fascination with the characters and cannot stop themselves from continuing to write fic.)

They are a fan of several in-universe video games, but especially favor Fairy Emblem. They were previously a member of EAH's Sorcery&Spelunking club, and a ruthless DM to boot, but they haven't really played since leaving high school, given their self-imposed isolation. They also dabble in poetry and like looking at pictures of cool architecture.

Pet Peeves

Alpha Towers absolutely hates being referred to by their legal name, "Neoclassical." Honestly. They get it. They're named after the architectural style of tower, but that is literally the most unfortunate thing you can possibly name a child, short of something like "Hunter Huntsman."

They are also irrationally irked by their own typos, especially if it's on something they've already posted in public forum.


Alpha Towers is a slight creature of somewhat frail-looking constitution, oftentimes enshrouded in too-large sweaters and loose-fitting t-shirts. They wear their dark hair long, and often tie back their bangs in order to prevent it from falling in their face as they compose their latest trashy, unedited fanfic. They smell faintly of coffee.

Fairytale - Rapunzel

How the Story Goes

See fairytale: Rapunzel

TL;DR Some couple steals a pile of vegetables from Dame Gothel, Gothel makes them give up their kid to pay for the stolen greens, and Gothel raises the kid as her own-- i.e. isolated from the rest of the world in a tower.

The kid in question, Rapunzel, starts seeing a prince in secret by letting down her long hair so he can climb up using it as a ladder. Once she finds out, Gothel whacks off all of the hair, uses it to trick the guy into climbing up the ladder, and defenestrates him. His eyes are promptly gouged out on the thorns below.

Rapunzel is banished to the desert as punishment, and after wandering the sands for several years, she is eventually reunited with her paramour. She heals his eyes with her own tears, and they marry and return to the prince's kingdom to live happily ever after.

How Alpha Comes Into It

Alpha is the child of Dame Gothel, the main antagonist of the Rapunzel story. They grew up somewhat sheltered and isolated in their mother's keeping-- which, indeed, bore a very strong resemblance to Rapunzel's upbringing in the fairytale text.

Though they weren't exactly locked in the family tower, and actually had consistent access to both stairs and a door, they were more or less too lazy to make the constant trek up and down on a regular basis. Compounded with their mostly homeschooled pre-high school education, they were somewhat isolated in their childhood.

Even if it was a bit lonely being something of a self-imposed shut-in, Alpha had spectacular amounts of access to the internet and developed a taste for fanfiction at an early age. They developed a passion for writing that carried on into their years at EAH, where they enjoyed taking classes if not necessarily the social aspect of it all.

They're pretty ambivalent about their actual story, though they do feel somewhat bad about having to cut off all of Holly's hair and push her suitor-- whom they are sure will be a very nice lady or gentleman-- out of the window, forcibly blinding them on the thorns below. However, they most look forward to years in a tower with one of their very favorite BNA fanfiction writers, and they hope they'll get to beta-read some of Holly's work.


(Entire section is presently ultra-WIP. It is only here on this page at all to remind me I still have to write it.)


Gothel Towers, Ivy Towers


(Please also tell me abt your EAHsonas and we can all be friends)


Alpha's attention-loving cat, Ubasti, is something of a universal content. They consider him their closest friend, even if he has a tendency to shed all over their belongings and sit on top of their computer at the exact moment they're struck with the urge to write.


Sage Idason, Florian Red


The majority of Alpha Towers' clothing is off-white, maroon, or a particular shade of oxidized-copper bluish-green, though they are also known to favor shades of teal and gray. Their most prominent fashion decisions involve chunky eyeglasses and sweaters, particularly those with patterns that bear resemblance to crenels or portcullises.

They are never seen without a writing utensil and a notebook of some sort. At times, they carry a worn messenger bag and a laptop instead, and have been known to make the occasional usage of handbags to tote around their book of the day. They do not wear jewelry.


  • The name "Neoclassical" comes from an architectural style that includes a great deal of domed towers. The last name, "Towers," is a reference to how the name Gothel bears a resemblance to "Gothic," which is also an architectural style with particularly notable towers.
    • The nickname Alpha comes from the last syllable of their legal name, Neoclassic"AL."
  • Their birthday is May 25. They are a Gemini.
  • Their role in the EAH universe primarily functions as a way to make some (but not all) of Alpha's fanfics exist in-universe as a narrational record posted to the internet.
  • The crenel motif and their fascination with "alternate universes" or "alternate timelines" is a direct reference to Alpha's would-be Homestuck class, Seer of Time.
  • They have selective omniscience and are loosely associated with the Authors.
    • Instead of using this power for good or evil, however, they only use it to write fanfiction. Go figure.


I've created an actual monster. This is such a disaster, but I can't stop writing it.
on the topic of their latest ship
Ah... I'm glad that my story was able to convey the emotions I wished. Thank you.
probably immediately after making half a dozen people cry
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